


wedding plan 2k1x

by brightblackbird



Series: Hamanaka Fucks It Up For Everybody [7]
Category: Rookies - Morita Masanori & Related Fandoms
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Canon - Manga, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon, Texting, Wedding Planning, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 00:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12096510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightblackbird/pseuds/brightblackbird
Summary: REAL☆Hiratsuka:I promise you the most tasteful greenscreen money can buy





	wedding plan 2k1x

**Imaoka shinobu:**  
where are you  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I am at the public library researching our wedding  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
why are you doing that there  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
So you can't throw a fit about everything cool I want to do  
Don't worry your pretty little head about a thing I've got it all planned out  
We get married in the Grand Canyon with officials from a few religions just so we're covered everywhere  
Then we make love for a few hours in our tropical hotel room and the sun rises on my rippling biceps and lats  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
hours?  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
We can try for a full day if you want but I doubt you'd make it that long  
Just between the two of us  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you know i get tired when people look at me  
how long does it take to get to the tropical hotel room  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I've got the map of Arizona open now the ocean is like right there  
It's a couple centimeters tops  
We could also make love in a less tropical hotel room overlooking the canyon if you're gonna be picky  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
why do you keep calling it making love  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
That's what it will be legally  
It's the final part of the ceremony you can't say DOING IT on legal documents  
Now we come to the problems  
First. Suit or dress  
Dresses grab the eye more but are harder to walk in I don't need some adorable kid carrying my train and stealing all the attention  
Solution. Find someone who sells wedding miniskirts  
Or you wear the dress and I pick you up and hold you in front of me at key moments  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
can we keep the miniskirts a private thing  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
No deal  
Next. How are you gonna afford all five rings I deserve  
Solution. I will accept the rings in an installment plan  
Next. How are you gonna film the ceremony while I'm marrying you  
Solution. Get a cardboard standup of you and I'll marry that while you do the filming  
You can add your actual self during the editing stage  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't really want to watch you marrying a cardboard version of me  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I promise you the most tasteful greenscreen money can buy  
Just wait till I'm done with the big picture then we can hammer out the details  
Problem the last. How will the press understand what we're saying  
Solution. I brush up on my English and become fluent by the big day  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
press?  
english?? why english  
where is arizona  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Arizona is in the beautiful land of ＡＮＥＲＩＣＡ  
You dumbshit  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
we can't get married in America  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Why not I can already basically speak English  
ＳＷＥＥＴＨＥＡＲＰ  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
we can't make my grandparents fly all the way to America  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Where in Japan did you think Arizona was  
Explain your thinking fully on this I need us both to remember it forever  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i was just going along with you  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Where else are we gonna be justified in renting a wedding helicopter  
You know what I think we could do the lovemaking in there if you're super tired  
As long as the pilot brings earplugs  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't want a helicopter at my wedding  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Our wedding  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
"our" includes me  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
All my life I've dreamed of this day and now you want to take it from me just when it's FINALLY possible again  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i want you to have a nice wedding, but you don't need a helicopter for that  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I've already made some pretty major changes to my plans thanks to your ridiculous whims  
You were a lot less trouble as best man  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you can go ahead with a bride if you really want to  
maybe you can rent her with the helicopter  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
OK no helicopter but can I at least get a special getaway car with stripes!!!!!!!!!!!  
The helicopters have stripes  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
maybe  
i don't think we really need a car  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
It's not like I'm keeping it forever it's just for the wedding day  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
do you really, really want a wedding car  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I NEED A Wedding car  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
fine  
just one car  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Thank you your majesty  
Tell me how you'd do this if you're so smart  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
we fill the paperwork out in front of our families and you say you love me and we kiss  
then our families leave and we have sex  
maybe they could just bring the papers over to the apartment  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Do you understand how sad your life would be without me  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
that's why i'm marrying you  
i'm not saying no party at all, we'd have to give them refreshments at least  
maybe those little hot dogs  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
This is our wedding WE are the refreshments  
They drink in our love and feel refreshed  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
and some kind of seltzer water probably  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
This wedding is going to be a goddamn spectacle and people are going to REMEMBER IT  
Not the depressing kind of spectacle where you serve them seltzer and sign papers  
All I want is for this to make everybody love me forever  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
Hiracchi....  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I don't think that's too much to ask  
That's why I need you filming it I can't trust anyone else to do a good job  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
sweetie  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
WHAT USE YOUR WORDS  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
everybody who matters already loves you  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
NAME ONE  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
....me  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You don't count you have to love me  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
your family loves you  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
THEY TRIED TO REPLACE ME  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
are you talking about your little brothers  
again  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
It's an old wound  
You wouldn't understand the pain of being replaced by a series of ugly babies you WERE the ugly replacement baby  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i was an okay baby  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I've seen the pictures and I disagree  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
maybe they had more babies because they wanted more of you  
but you can't make them love you more with a big wedding because they already love you  
because they're your family  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
If they loved me they would subscribe to my YouTube channel  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
my parents love me and they don't subscribe to our youtube channel  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You have FIVE potential subscribers in your immediate family and you are failing my brand on each and every one of them  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
my grandparents don't have youtube accounts  
...you also have five  
and i have one brother and four old people, but you have three brothers and two old people  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I provide the CONTENT and the BRAND and the CHARISMA I can't be spending my time on the little picture stuff like hustling people over to the channel  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
can we think about why we're really doing this  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Gay weddings are a trending topic and I want my picture in at least one history book  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
..........  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
OUR picture  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
..............................  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
And because I like you  
A bunch  
ＨＯＮＥＹ  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i like you more  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
We agreed not to start this debate again  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
but the important thing is that we're getting married  
it doesn't have to be at the grand canyon  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
IN the Grand Canyon  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
why do you want to be in the grand canyon while we get married  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
It's big that's right there in the name  
You like big things  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
no that's you  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
We both appreciate big majestic things  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i pretty much just appreciate you  
and Wan-chan  
she's kind of big and majestic for a dog  
that's another reason we can't do this in america, she hates traveling  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Your awful dog is not allowed at our wedding  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
she's a beautiful dog  
people love dogs, you should use her in a video  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
If that animal gets to come then I'm inviting my mom's awful cat  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
okay  
i want my bear there too  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You don't own a bear  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
my stuffed bear  
Kumacchi  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You mean that ugly thing that watches me no matter what I hide under  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i always wanted to marry him when i was little  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I won't sleep for a week if you bring that thing to our wedding  
Why are you surrounded by so many horrible monsters  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
we could get little suits for all of them  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Why do you have such bad taste in everything except me  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i can't marry a man who hates my bear.  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
THE BEAR STARTED IT  
LIKE YOUR EVIL DOG WHO ALSO HATES ME  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
Kumacchi and Wan-chan both love you, i wouldn't love anything that didn't love you  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Your parents' home is filled with terrifying animals and disturbing humans and I have never gotten to sleep before 4am in that hellscape  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i like it  
that's where i used to live  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
YES I NOTICED HOW YOU USED TO COME OUT OF THERE IN THE MORNINGS  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
you seem done with what you're doing, can you come home now  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Hang on I've gotta open my channel on all the computers here so the next person sees it  
I'm gonna drop by and do that every day from now on I don't know why I never thought of it before  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
maybe only do that once a week so they don't ban you  
are you getting in trouble right now  
Hiracchi  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
You need a special goddamn code to get on each of them that place sucks  
Public facility my ass  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
did you make a fuss at anyone who might remember your face  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
They did kick me out but no one took my picture  
Wouldn't a big picture of me be great viral marketing though???????  
How much would I have to fight back for one of those  
Like a big closeup labeled Troublemaker  
Do Not Rent Books To This Handsome But Dangerous Man  
Available Now On YouTube  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
please come home now  
i'm lonely  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
ＯＫ ＢＡＢＹ  
I'm almost done here  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
and i miss you  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
THIS IS GONNA TAKE FIVE SECONDS  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
and i can't marry you if you're in jail  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
FINE  
You're right I need you behind the camera  
Make it glamorous but not too sexy we can't lose that mass market appeal  
I wasn't really gonna go too hard on them  
ＤＡＲＬＩＮＧ  
Ｉ ＡＬＲＥＡＤＹ ＰＡＩＤ ＦＯＲ ＴＨＥ ＨＯＴＥＬ ＲＯＯＭ  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
i don't know what that means  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Just a fun little surprise for the end of the month that I technically just told you about  
Ｉ ＬＯＶＥ ＹＯＵ  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
Hiracchi  
everybody knows that one  
i love you too  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
SHUT UP ALREADY IM ON MY WAY NOW  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
we're getting married  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
Shut up  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
it's a little late to be acting this maidenly  
you're so funny  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
I'm on my way  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
To kill you  
  
**Imaoka shinobu:**  
( ˘ з˘)♥  
  
**REAL☆Hiratsuka:**  
That is NOT what's going to be happening!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
